four years later, I mean less than dog crap on the street

So, I was going to make some stupid, passive aggressive post on facebook, but I decided against it. So then I was going to make a blog post. But, some people might actually read my blog. Or at least click on it accidentally and see if there's anything new. So, I'm putting it here. Because I just don't care enough to resurrect my real, password, secure blog. I can't believe this stupid bull crap that has been my night tonight. And now the freaking ass is standing over my shoulder, reading what I type. Way to go Asshole.

All I wanted was to go out and do something I thought would be fun tonight. Fuck you. After bitching all week about how this is such a stupid thing to do and how terrible it would be and how far it is..blah blah freaking blah. yeah, that's not going to dampen my enthusiasm at all. It may not sound like much, but I specifically got the big, dry, disgusting, enormous sandwich from the deli tonight because he is always saying that the huge sandwich tastes better, and he likes it better than the small, normal, single serving sandwiches. Stupidest thing I've ever heard, but whatever. What the hell, I'll appease the idiot. I got Papa Murphy's for the kids and Ryan, and Dan decided that he wanted that instead. Sigh, yeah, that's right. No matter what I do, it's shit. So, I give up, and say forget it. Dan's wearing an old t-shirt that's too small for his fat ass, and it has a hole in it. My top is covered in baby spit up. I have been awake and moving and chasing small children since fucking 8am. I took the kids to the doctor, and then to the Children's Museum. I'm tired, and I'm all out of give a damn. So, what do we end up doing on the night I thought we were going to have a night out? We watched Conan at Ryan's. Yay. Oh, and then it got cold, and Ryan opened the door and turned on the fan. It was cold, the kids were antsy and bored, and I was so done with the whole stupid thing. So, we finally get to leave. We get home and Courtney gets shit on my bed. So, I fold up the load of laundry that is on the bed, put it all away, strip the bed, and fix Nate's night light. At this point I am so freaking exhausted I fall down on the bed. I only have so much. What is the ass doing? He is watching TV. Thanks for all the help asshole.

In a rare moment of helpfulness, Dan acts like he's going to get the laundry started. Glory, glory Hallelujah. It's a miracle. So, the evening wears on. I put Nate to bed. He gets out of bed. I ask Dan if he can just put Nate back to bed. Dan's solution? He told Nate to climb into our bed and lay down. What the hell? Guess we're not trying to wean Nate out of our bed anymore. Guess we're not even going to make the effort anymore. Whatever. I like having Nate steal my pillow and kick me all night. I think it's fun to wake up by being kicked in the head, and having my bed filled with pee all the time.

We watch a few more tv shows, see a theme here, lazy fat ass? I'm starting to mellow, I've adjusted to the fact that I don't have a pillow, and I've contorted myself in such a way that I can almost see the screen, as long as Dan doesn't move (which he does frequently). Dan rolls over and whines at me to go get him a milkshake from Sonic. I mention that I was thinking about getting QT, and he whines some more. I finally decide to head out, and I mention how grateful I am that Dan got the laundry started. It was a big help, and I am trying to be appreciative. Turns out Dan never started the freaking laundry. Thanks asshole. I ask him again to get it started while I'm getting drinks. I ask please, I remind him 3 times before I leave. I drive to QT and come back with drinks. Asshole is asleep on the bed. Thanks a lot asshole. Is the bedding in the washer? No it is not. Thanks again asshole. So, I get the freaking laundry going. Oh, and the bedding wasn't in the washer, it wasn't in the hallway. It wasn't anywhere a normal person would logically expect it to be. The bedding was in the freaking dryer. Asshole didn't put in any effort at all. Nate did. Nate tried to help y putting the laundry in the washer, but he got confused and put it in the dryer instead. Wow. My lazy ass husband pawned a simple chore off on my 3 year old. And the 3 year old made more progress than the lazy asshole did. FML

feel like I'm winning

I do feel like I am making some progress on the soda frontier. I have been pretty good about limiting myself to one soda per day over the past week. So yay for me! I find that it's easier to keep on track at home, even though there's been a case of Pepsi here all week. But when I go out, I want a treat drink. So, when Dan and I went to Dennys with Mom yesterday, I ordered a milk. It's not a boring water, but it is a healthy alternative to soda! So, there's my pat on the back.
I'm not really monitoring my weight right now. I'm more trying to get into better, healthier habits at the moment. I think that once I do, the benefits will be more noticeable and more tangible. Still working on increasing my water intake, that's more of a struggle for me.
And my goal this week is to go walking every day. Wednesday, Friday and Saturday are not scheduled walk days with Anna and Christina, but I'm going to try to be active anyway. Maybe Dan and Nate will go for a family walk with me? Hmmmm, something to think about :)

winning the battle with soda!!

I have been doing much better with the whole drinking soda thing. I actually haven't even had a soda yet today and it's almost 12:30! I know, it's kind of sad that getting all the way to lunchtime without soda is an accomplishment, but it is.
On to the not so good news. Yesterday Mom made a pan of rice Krispy treats for Dan and Cristi and I ate a freaking TON of them on the way home. I was hungry and I just kept shoveling it into my face. Not to mention how crappy I was feeling yesterday about the whole email drama going back and forth. Basically I eat when I'm bored, or upset. I know that it's a problem that I need to address in order to get to where I want to be, fitness wise.
I was in the Temple yesterday, reading D&C 89 while waiting for the session to start. It's interesting how most people just focus on the parts of the word of wisdom that deal with tobacco and alcohol. There's more. Eating grains and veggies and fruits more than meat, for instance. And being active and getting exercise. It made me stop and think. I mean, yeah I need to lose some weight, but my main motivator has been vanity. But we promise to live the word of wisdom, and I think that I need to focus more there. So, my new goal is to lose about 40lbs, get active so that I can run without fainting, and work on portion control. (After I kick the soda habit, that is)

this is freaking hard!

So far the biggest challenge for me is consistency. I can keep up with eating well, or exercising for a while, then I turn back to my bad habits. As a result, I've been bouncing back and forth between 175 and 184 pounds. Yikes! That is way heavier than I want to be. This week I think I am going to focus my energy on cutting out the soda. I don't do well quitting cold turkey, but I want to downsize to only one soda per day. On the flip side of that, I want to make sure I drink the full 8 glasses of water per day that is reccommended. So far today my liquid intake has been 3 cups juice, 1 12oz Dr. Pepper (also known as abrosia of the Gods, or liquid joy) and a sip of water. yikes. Clearly I have quite a challenge in front of myself. :) But I know it will be totally worth it when I get back down into the 130's to 140's range and get back into my size 8 jeans. Although ideally I'd love to be back in a 6, right now I'd settle for an 8.

starting up again

I knew that I hadn't been keeping up with this, but wow. My new official restart weight is 182lbs. A full 10 lbs heavier than when I first said I wanted to get serious about losing weight. So clearly I haven't been making progress in the direction I had hoped for.
Today so far has been good. I had a bowl of Special K and half a banana for breakfast. I was at Marilynne's house scrapbooking when lunchtime came around, and we got Rubio's. That was so freaking tasty delicious! But I was good, I got my burrito on whole wheat tortilla and without the creamy chipotle sauce, or even cream cheese! Between that, giving my chips to Bethany, and saving half the burrito for Dan I feel like I did pretty good. I'm thinking that I'll head out to the zoo and do some hill walking with Nate, maybe even break out the ankle weights. And of course, Anna and I are still on for our usual walking.
As long as I do something good for dinner (thinking of grilling something) and keep away from the soda today will be a great fitness/food choice day :)

Day 1

Well, I've decided that it's time to get serious about losing this baby weight. I mean, for goodness sake, my little man is almost a year old already! This blog is all about accountibility, no more just saying "I should lose some weight". Oh no, from here on out I am committed. I will do something every day to further my goals. That is my vow to myself. Hmmm, maybe I should make some goals. be right back, I've got to weigh myself.............Ok, my official starting weight is 172lbs. (*hangs head in shame, and fights urge to edit*)
Well, for my height I should be 125-135lbs. So, ultimately I would like to lose 45 pounds. Yikes! That's a lot! To make it more manageable I'm going to break it down into small steps. First I want to lose 10 pounds. Then, from there, I will reassess and develop a timetable to reach my ultimate goal!
So far today I've had a couple of positives. I walked about a mile today with Nathan, and said no the ice cream in the freezer calling my name. I've also had some megatives. I've eaten most of a bag of twizzlers pull and peel candy, drank about 3 sodas, and my dinner is a creamy, cheesy lasagna. And I missed breakfast.
My food goal for tomorrow is NO SODA. I drink waaaay to much, and it's not healthy, and it's a bunch of extra, empty calories.
My exercise goal for tomorrow is to walk at least a mile, and do 5 min. of stretches.
Well, I'm wishing myself luck, pulling on my sneakers, and off to fire up the treadmill!